I’m really going to try to start writing here more often. I know I say that A LOT, but forreal realz!

. . .

I do find myself struggling to take a moment to create or express myself. I think that’s the struggle of trying to be a creator and a consumer at the same time. With any type of fandom, anime, comics, video games, etc, we draw our inspirations from said media and when we try to put forward our own ideas, stories, or impression, I find it easier to just consume than to create my own content.

Maybe it’s just an excuse I’ve clutched to. I don’t have time. Add work, commute, and fatherhood, and that excuse almost seems valid.

I’ve found myself saying this over and over, every new years resolution, (chinese new year resolution, YEAH, second change… and now Thai New Years resolution, third time the charge) I’ll start to do something.

This conversation with myself reminds me in college, after a night of drunken debauchery, I find myself telling myself I won’t drink ever again.

Same Shit, Different Day…

So what’s the real reason I don’t do anything creative anymore?

Time?

There is always time, I just need to better manage it. I was speaking to a friend, Matt, who seems more of a mentor really, who publishes and draws comics, has an excellent career with education and art, and also is one of the founders of DC Conspiracy, and is an awesome father. He was telling me how little time he has, but found a way to do so much more, and was questioning what was he doing with his time when he was younger, before kids, before marriage, before his career.

I know I need to manage my time better and using time as an excuse is pathetic. Honestly, I don’t even have my son during the week. He’s with my mother since both my wife and I work.

Sure, I have an hour commute, but I also have scheduled an hour lunch break so I can workout, illustrate, or write. My hour commute can be used to listen to podcasts to try to learn and get motivated. Time can be managed and put to better use. I shouldn’t use time as an excuse.

Failure?

What could I determine as a failure? No one liking my work? Everyone hating my work? While those are valid possibilities, almost every success story I heard afterwards was, “I did what I did because of passion” followed with “Those who create or do whatever it is they do for popularity, burn out”. While we all dream to be successful and love, if that’s our only goal, it most likely will never happen. People seem to be attracted to passion and that passion is what keeps us going through the set backs. If success is my only goal, once I hit a road block or fall down, doesn’t that mean I’ve failed.

As quoted in Batman Begins, “Why do people fall Bruce? It’s so that we can learn to get back up”.

We need some sort of motivation, passion, burning desire, to get us through those rough spots. No one every became success without experiencing failure.

And speaking of failure, never starting or seeing it through, is failing before we really started.

Becoming a father?

This has been the BEST thing to ever happen. Having a child in a way is a new start. I want to show him that he can do ANYTHING, if he has a passion for it. When I was growing up, people always told me that I could be anything I wanted to be, but then I was also told that “Artists only became rich after they died.” I don’t want to instill that lesson to my son but I want him to know that he can become anything he wants to be, but he will have to work for it.

If anything, this has been more of a motivational point in my life.

What if I never make it?

When I have that thought, I think to myself, “What if I slip on a bar of soap and break my neck in the shower?” Welp, that would suck, but I also never know if I don’t try. And it’s not always about the destination, but about the journey.

Life is rather short and if I commit myself to my passion, even if it’s ridiculed and hated, at least I did something.

I know I’m writing this more for my sake, but if you’re reading this, whoever you are, keep motivated and keep moving

darrenndad